Monday, October 12, 2009

1x13b: Reunion Special

Many of the sixteen contestants manage to reveal more about themselves than we saw on the show, but Bald Spice sadly takes it too far. Please pass the brain bleach. And some fake tan for him.


Can’t sleep (stupid bushfires). Let’s get the rest of this over and done with, shall we?

Earlier in this super-long edition of Cancel My Subscription, I'm Tired Of Your Issues: Eddie McEverywhereBackThen showed up at Crown Casino and tried to make it look like he cared who won. It didn't work. Hatie bitched and moaned and threatened murder until she was voted out. Then she turned up dressed in cellophane wrapping paper and ready to snark on herself. Long Pole Joel made the final immunity challenge the least dramatic in history when he threw it just like he said he was going to for the last three episodes. Then he turned up dressed like a blind grandpa in the 1960's, and was just as boring and moralising as ever. The final Tribal Council happened, and it was ridiculously boring. Like, "carrying a discussion with SexySuntannedWhoreBoy's mum" boring. The jury showed up, and so did NoMind's rack. The final two showed up, fresh from a visit with the Botox fairy. While they were at the plastic surgeons, they neglected to get a personality transplant. Link showed up, and it turns out he's great at hosting live television. Who knew? Also: Knob won.

Clap clap clap, from people actually raising their hands above their seats in an effort to be on camera. Tools. Eddie welcomes us back to the casino, where he's about to play a metaphorical game of Russian Roulette by talking with the sixteen players. Pssst, a little hint: Craig, NoMind, and Princess Jane. I guarantee you can't go wrong by interviewing those three for the next hour. Eddie reminds us that Knob won, and after a lengthy spiel, forks over the keys to the car he won. Yawn. Knob's wife claps nervously. She must know what he's like at providing directions. Princess Jane sure does, given that it's essentially his poor skills that got her the three votes which eventually booted her.

Eddie finally sits down. One step closer to finishing this show. He asks Sciona how she feels about being a loser, and she goes all Knob-worshippy again. St. Knob hugs her. Eddie asks Knob how much his football career helped him win, and we are again reminded of the win by an onscreen graphic. Thanks for the heads-up! Next, they'll insert graphics saying "Neil Armstrong: First Man To Walk On The Moon" and "Eddie McGuire: Deserves To Be Fired". I'd say his background didn't help him at all, given how hard he took losing, but he ignores the question and says Hatie was more abusive than anyone he ever played against. Well, sure. Most footy players now are too busy getting crappy haircuts and denying gay rumours to actually play the game like it was meant to be played. Not that I don't think [insert name of any Collingwood player from within the past decade here] is completely straight. Because I don't. Eddie references his own connection to said probable-DNA-Magazine-loving team, and the audience laughs. Knob says he wasn't that great a footballer, which is about as surprising as learning Eddie is a transvestite, given that Knob has always seemed to be a particularly self-centered person to me.

Eddie asks Knob to repeat his story about why he came on the show. Mother-in-law, Zimbabwe, you know the deal. Wake me up when Knob is off the screen. In other news, the camera shows a shot of Hatie sitting next to him, and she is STILL trying not to accidentally touch him. Hilarious. Knob mentions that he thought it was going to be for a million dollars, and Eddie tries to claim that it was, if you ignore the tax.


This version was for half-a-million dollars, and is tax-free. The American version was for a full million dollars, and was taxed (as one Richard Hatch later found out). Even after the tax, it's still just over half a million American, and significantly more if you factor in the exchange rate back in 2002. Shut up, Eddie.

Knob points out that he still doesn't have enough money to get his mother-in-law over here, and: whatever. If this was pretty much anyone else in that crowd, I'd probably care, but I have a hard time even trying to feel sorry for Knob.

The audience decides to "spontaneously" clap clap clap.

Eddie says he has "looooooads of questions for everybody here tonight". Not all of which will be interesting or even relevant, I'm sure.

But he decides to ignore everyone and instead ask Knob's wife Dusty a question about what she thinks about having to watch him on television. She "can't believe we've won". I don't know whether it was deliberate or whether it's just her cool Zimbabwean accent, but she puts the emphasis on "WE'VE" as though she was actually out there. Apparently, Dusty's mother doesn't even know that she's being flown from scenic but war-torn Zimbabwe to Melbourne to live with Knob. Personally, I'd stay in Zimbabwe.

Eddie asks Knob how long he took to get Dusty in the sack, and he says it was back when the Brisbane Lions were still the Bears. I'm impressed he's managed to keep any relationship for that long, let along one that requires seeing him naked. Oh, and he calls her a "wild Zimbabwe woman". Ugh. How do you not know the right term for your wife's nationality?

Knob brings up Eddie's own son when talking about how he missed his own son. Whatever.

Even Eddie is sick of this, so he decides to talk to Hatie. She asks her how she feels about being booted by Knob, and haven't we already discussed this enough over the last two hours of this finale? Hatie knew she was on the edge of a breakdown, and that she was hurt. She mentions how "intimate" the personal game was, and the camera zooms out to show Knob. Imaginary shoutout! Eddie thinks she got too involved. He asks if her if she fell in love with Knob, and even Hatie has standards, Eddie. Low standards, but standards nonetheless. Hatie blames her being so young for her breakdown. Pfft.

Eddie segues into what will be one of many boring clip packages throughout the show, this one about crying. Lucindork cries again. Knob cries again. Hatie cries again as she gets hugged by Knob. Sciona cries again. Long Pole Joel Cries again. And again. And again. And again. Sophie cries several times. Sylvain cries again. Hatie cries AGAIN, and the audience laughs. NoMind cries about her family again. Craig almost cries when NoMind is voted off again. Bunch of babies.

Back at the reunion, Sciona reaches over and hugs Craig, who doesn't seem to care. Well, of course not, because he wasn't really crying that much in the clip they used.

Sophie, you voted for Knob even though you were much closer to Hatie. Why? She says she saw the game as a game.

Hatie is reminded of how she said she could win by killing somebody, as well as a couple of other quotes of hers about Knob. Hatie laughs. Then she breaks down in tears trying to explain herself. She says she's "not a bitch", and knows the audience hated her. After a shot of NoMind looking bored out of her mind, someone in the audience yells out support. Clap clap clap. Caren also looks bored. Hatie eventually says that someone had to be the bad guy. But the big problem is that all of the final four were edited as villains at some point, which made the finale very difficult to watch. I mean, look how long it took me to get through recapping it.

As the bumper to commercial, we get to see Knob's audition tape. And I will never again be able to watch the finale of that first season of The Amazing Race, after hearing that music from the ending in the video. Knob's wedding is shown for no reason. Then we see him on the football field with a mullet, and the audience laughs after a delayed reaction. Also, his shows his son to the camera. Poor kid.

Commercials. Brian Naylor, rest in peace. You will be missed.

Sciona is walking a dog in her audition tape. And not with a yoyo, but she is in that age group that wrongly thinks that sort of thing is cool. She says she's in the business of taking risks, and somehow she manages to make wearing a helmet and her test pilot uniform look boring. And then she eats dog poo.

Yes, really.

Sciona looks embarrassed, as well she should. Eddie asks her whether she really did, and what it tasted like. She said Knob told her the food on the island tasted worse. You know, finding out that one Survivor finalist knows what shit tastes like is bad enough. But two? Makes you wonder how bad the people that got rejected were.

You know who I really care about and really want to see again? Bald Spice. Eddie asks him how he prepared so well, given he was sick for most of his time out there. He blames the Channel Nein catering, and mentions that he was dehydrated and that he has "hyperglaucoma". Doesn't he mean hypoglycemia? No wonder he was sick, not even knowing which lifelong illness he had. Eddie points out that he didn't eat breakfast the day the game started.

It turns out the only reason we went to Bald Spice so early is so Eddie can link to the food clip package. Kadina eats rice again. Knob yells at Long Pole Joel for trying to save rice again. Craig runs away from the bees again. An emu runs across the screen. Hey, how about a stock footage montage? Tipara eats the Dunlop snails again. Sciona eats weeds again. Lance goes snorkelling in his Speedo again. Somebody has trouble cutting off a fish head again. NoMind bashes her fish's head in with a rock again. The audience laughs, showing the first sign of agreeing with me that they have in the entire past three hours. Fish stink up Tipara again. Knob asks about cannibalism again.

Eddie laughs. He asks Princess Jane how much she hated the food. She says she knew (presumably from the American version) that they'd be sent somewhere where there was water and seafood. Apparently, Princess Jane is much more familiar with the unseen rivers of central Kenya than I am. She says she didn't like it, but didn't want to complain because she would get voted out. Of course, if you don't complain, they'll find another reason to vote you out. Like "laziness". Eddie asks her how she dealt with people seeing her as "a passenger". She says she contributed to the tribe, but she was the weakest person there. I can think of several people who contributed less to their tribes than she did, and one of them won. She says people said some hurtful things, but that she got over it quickly because she realised it was a game. The implied eyebrow-raise in Hatie's direction is not included.

Long Pole Joel laughs when Eddie brings up him eating the rice with his hands. But it turns out that has nothing to do with his actual question, which is about his lack of facial hair. He winds up explaining the rice thing anyway.

And it was all a segue for before-and-after pictures. We see Jeff's promo shot and a set of pictures of him before the final shot showing how he wound up looking a little like Garfield at a Tribal Council. Craig's promo shot reminds me that those hypnotising eyes were there the entire time. Someone in the audience wolf-whistles, and it's completely true. There isn't an ugly shot of Craig in the bunch. Sylvain looked high in his promo shot, as you are reminded. He went through an extremely extended coming-down stage before eventually looking like David Letterman with a wig. Knob's final shot looks like he has two glass eyes. Lance gets only a couple of shots, and looks like a hobo by the end.

Clap clap clap.

Eddie remarks that Long Pole Joel wasn't included, and that he looked cleaner by the end than he did at the start. The audience laughs at about eight different shots, none of which have anything to do with humour.

Clap clap clap.

Long Pole Joel says to "call [him] Confucius". As long as he doesn't do a bad accent or make a "Confucius say man who smoke pot choke on handle" joke, I'd be fine with that. But I've only got about 25 minutes of recapping left, so I'm not going to. Eddie wonders what he's actually doing with his university degree -- not actually mentioning what the degree was for -- and Long Pole Joel says he's doing public speaking. I don't mean to be rude about this, but who would pay someone to tell them to never give up and all that self-help crap, when they themselves gave up half-a-million dollars based on a fucked-up notion of integrity? He plugs his website, and Eddie laughs. He says he was naive, and has no regrets about being so dumb.

Clap clap clap.

Eddie promises that we'll talk to everyone else after the break. Oh, good. I've been wanting to hear what Sciona and Jeff and Sylvain have to say. Not.

Long Pole Joel's audition tape shows him walking up to the camera in shorts, and his long pole is fairly prominent in this scene. It must be the entire reason he got cast, given he fucks up his line.

Commercials. SexySuntannedWhoreBoy and SexyUntannedEmoHunk are both surprised I can be an Aussie and still hate Vegemite. Is there something wrong with me? ["Yes. Now go sit in the corner." -- SexySuntannedWhoreBoy]

Sophie's audition tape shows her with her kids. Her young son is not wearing a shirt or a singlet or anything above his waist, and if this was nowadays you just know some idiot would call her a pedophile. Of course, those same people would probably be checking out her ample boobage on display. She explains how she decided to get her kids to "commando crawl" "to kindy today". Apparently, they go to a nudist kindy.

Sophie laughs and Jeff tells her something we can't hear over all the clap clap clapping. We see her daughter in the audience, and it looks as though she's wearing Sophie's buff. Awww. Eddie asks Sophie how bad she felt when Long Pole Joel refused to let her see her kids, because he was horny and wanted some alone time with the girlfriend. Apparently, Long Pole Joel had offered to share, but the producers wouldn't let it happen or something. In related news, that means there was even more reward communism, so that sucks.

Eddie brings up the concept of alliances, and asks Lance what his friends said about his naïveté. Lance jokes that he still doesn't think there were any alliances. Which explains why he was voted out. He says that he didn't expect to develop such strong friendships with people out there. Eddie asks him whether he felt stupid watching the finale, and Lance replies by pointing out that he probably would have done what Long Pole Joel did if he had stayed around. Suuuure you would have.

Eddie asks for a show of hands: Who thinks Survivor has changed their lives? Okay, here's who thinks it has: Long Pole Joel, Caren, Hatie, Deb, Jeff, Sophie, and Princess Jane. You'll notice that not only is it significantly fewer people than many seasons usually wind up with, but it's very telling who says it hasn't. Obviously Lucindork and Tim weren't changed, and Sciona has no discernable personality to change (you don't get to the finale without getting a nickname for no reason). But did you notice that Craig actively looked away from the group, and NoMind seems to be surprised that anyone's lives were changed? Hee. But Eddie chooses to bring up Knob saying it hasn't changed him. Knob thinks it's changed his life financially, but not so much otherwise. Eddie holds up a Picture magazine, which promises nude pics of Caren inside, and then asks her if her life has changed. Did he not see her hand go up? Perhaps he was concentrating on other things going up after reading the words "We vote Caren's clothes off! Page 39!". And, while I'm talking about it, it's a sure sign we're not in America that the magazine's cover can even be shown on television. Woo, lack of family values! I'm waiting for the ten year reunion show in which all of Craig's shirtless modelling work comes up. And there has been some. Eddie asks her if she thinks it was a bad idea to go on the show because of the pictures, and she points out that most Survivor chicks wind up posing nude somewhere, so she figured she might as well do it before the show made her anorexic. Good for her. She says she doesn't care about the pictures, but she probably wouldn't go on Survivor again. Lucky Australian Survivor was cancelled before we reached an All-Stars season, then. Eddie reminds her she said she wanted to get a tattoo, and he asks if she did. David points out he can see it from where he's sitting, behind her. Pervert. She says she got a tattoo of a crown with a bunch of different symbols to remind her what she got out of the show. Like a little permanent charm bracelet.

Clap clap clap.

Eddie is shocked she is from Darwin. He is also shocked she only took summer clothes. Apparently, she and several others were under the impression that they were going to the Bahamas. Now that would have been fun. Shirtless Craig all season. Mmmm.

It's time for Eddie to mock Lucindork. Lucinda looks a little like Tottie Goldsmith (damn you, Neighbours ads!), except slightly wrinklier. She acknowledges that she did indeed vote for herself, and Eddie wonders why, given all the training and the whole audition process she went through. She blames the editing. What happened in the real world, according to her, is that she figured a few of the younger people were going to vote her off for being old anyway. Which makes no sense, because she wasn't the oldest person on the tribe. By almost an entire decade. Eddie tries to get her to admit that she quit, but she refuses to do so. After she starts answering the follow-up question, she officially becomes the most talkative first boot at a reunion ever. She says she didn't stop drinking and smoking for six months just to quit in the first three days. Eddie asks why she put her own name down, and she says it was to avoid anyone being voted off in a previous-votes tiebreaker. It never wound up mattering for Kadina the way they kept losing, but getting votes at Tipara's first Tribal Council is what cost Princess Jane the game, ironically enough. The audience claps when Lucindork confirms she didn't actually want to go. I think, along with Deb and NoMind and Craig, the season would have been much, much more enjoyable had she been around longer. And perhaps it wouldn't have been cancelled, and then I could have applied by now and snarked on people like Knob in real life.

Eddie mentions Sciona under the pretext of Anna Coren-ing his way into a package about dirt. You'll notice that only the Tipara people are shown in the package.

Eddie tries to make a big deal about how he's going to talk to someone from Kadina (which he wrongly calls "the green tribe", despite their Big Bird yellow buffs), even though the last two questions were to people from Kadina. Idiot. But it doesn't matter, because...

Craig! Someone in the audience yells out something inaudible, and he laughs. Eddie mentions how he made "a few hearts flutter around Australia". SexySuntannedWhoreBoy wonders where I got the extra hearts delivered from. ["And I'm still wondering where your first heart is." -- SexyUntannedEmoHunk] ["I know where it is. You just have to get naked around him more often." -- WhoreBoy] Eddie's eventual question, after a lot of rambling about being a "warrior" and whatnot, is whether he thought Kadina sucked as much as the rest of the six people watching did. Craig says he did the best he could with the hand he was dealt. He says that team unity is good, but you've still gotta wanna be there, and people quitting (BALD SPICE AND SYLVAIN) is what cost them. Well, in all fairness, keeping those two around after they mentally checked out of the game probably cost them more, especially when you had people like Lucindork and Tim who still wanted to be there.

In other news, I love how Craig got to sit at the big kid's table.

Eddie promises to get to the bottom of Hatie's "weasel" remarks after the break.

Craig's audition tape shows him working on a powerpoint. As he explains that he's an electrician, about four different funny things happen: 1) The plug sparks and catches fire a little bit, 2) the screwdriver literally flies out of Craig's hands, and 3) Craig screams like a little girl. You just can't make this stuff up. Craig walks off the screen with his tail between his legs, calling for his mum. Hee. Also, he is still damn hot. (I'd make a Theory Fire joke about his mum filming the clip, but... yeah, not the time.)

Commercials. Is it possible to kill two birds with one stone by taking the Queensland floodwater and somehow using it to fight the bushfires in Victoria?

Bald Spice's audition tape. His idea of the moonwalk is baring your arse to the camera as you move away from it. Then doing the actual moonwalk back into the shot. Ewwwwwww.

Clap clap clap.

Bald Spice wonders if his butt looked big, and it was big enough to temporarily blind SexyUntannedEmoHunk, even in a four-inch image. Eddie remarks that he found the minibar nuts after all.

But back to Craig! Eddie asks why he didn't expose them around the campfire, like what eventually happened with Hatie anyway. Craig says it was because Hatie was such an easy target. As we saw. Hatie laughs like a ferret. Craig says that even Lance told him he was getting booted as soon as he lost Immunity, so he and the girls decided to try and stir the pot however they could. Which brings up something I probably should have thought about before. Suppose Craig wins the Fear Factor Food Feast. Now, one of the Tipara members goes home instead. Either a member of the alliance goes home, and the three remaining members are screwed, or Lance or Long Pole Joel goes home, and the alliance is exposed. And the alliance is screwed, given there's another person outside the alliance who knows about it than there was when it broke up in the real world. So Knob was very lucky that Craig lost that challenge. VERY lucky.

Craig calls them "great sportsmen" for cheering when he lost that challenge. The audience laughs.

Hatie interrupts the discussion. She bitches that just before the Tribal Council where Craig got booted, he whispered to Knob that Hatie wanted him to vote for Knob to force a tie. Craig orders her to get to her point. Clap clap cheer. Hatie says that he did a whole bunch of bad stuff out there, but it wasn't shown. He calls her out on her own actions. BIG cheer. I think the audience might just like Craig a little bit.

Eddie provides the snark I was about to, about how Hatie had a small amount of sympathy until she said that, and now she's basically the Jerri Manthey of this season. Not that she wasn't anyway.

Deb, Eddie thinks you were doing well until you did whatever it was to your ankle. How unlucky was that? She says that she would have probably survived had it not happened. Well, of course. That was the episode Sylvain had his breakdown. She returns to the question he asked Craig earlier, about why Kadina sucked at life, and she chalks it up to there not being any alliances on the tribe, and the subsequent paranoia.

Illness And Injury package. There is a lot of stuff about people talking about Bald Spice. Caren and Sophie fall over again. Clumsy! Jeff's foot is still burned. We see Sciona drop the water on herself again. Nice to see they dealt with THAT storyline. Deb talks about her ankle at Tribal Council, and we see clips of her trying to move it.

Clap clap clap.

There's a wide shot of the audience, and it's only now I notice that the car Knob won is on stage. It's convenient, too, because Eddie wants to talk to Sylvain about the reward he won. Oh good, only three more people to talk to after this. It's hard to believe we're doing so well, given we'd still only have talked to five or six people by now if Probst was hosting. Sylvain was happy with the reward, but "unfortunately, [he] really, really can't drive". So he's sold it. Eddie asks him why he didn't bother getting his licence, and Sylvain basically says he quit as soon as it got hard. The audience bursts into canned laughter. He says he's going to spend the money he got for the car on his second book, and gives a copy of his first book to Eddie as a gift for hosting. Twenty bucks says that was mysteriously left behind on the set. And where's Link's book?

NoMind won the overnight reward at the cottage, and Eddie wants to know why she didn't take a Tipara and use it as a chance to scheme and plot. With a huge smile on her face, NoMind says she didn't even think about it, and reveals she told Craig on the way to the challenge that "if this is a challenge where you get to invite someone along, and you win it, and you don't pick me, I'll kick your arse". Bwah! Eddie wonders how the night was, and she says it was great. He asks if she used the product-placement computer (but they didn't pay for this episode, so they don't get named, unlike, the car company), and she did. She mentions that it's cool because it's black. Somewhere, Michael Jackson calls her a racist.

Long Pole Joel blathers about how that reward was meant to happen, and how fate is the same reason he was able to make that final-three deal with Knob and Sciona, because Hatie's ankles hurt. Yawn. Go buy another copy of The Secret.

Eddie randomly goes from Long Pole Joel's interruption back to NoMind's question, and to a package about rewards. There was lobster. Tipara cheered over chocolate, remember? The funny, funny editors decide to put Hatie calling herself "the Rat Woman" into the montage. Love you too, guys. The shower scene had a nude run and Long Pole Joel sniffing himself. NoMind and Craig enjoyed the cottage. Lance did not get to enjoy seven slices of the pizza, because Reward Communism was here to stay. Long Pole Joel's girlfriend still looks like a ghost. Waiter Link was responsible for giving Princess Jane her Devonshire tea. Link won a car! Did we mention that yet?

Clap clap clap.

We see Long Pole Joel's girlfriend for a second before cutting to Eddie. And another mention of the car. Eddie wants to know whether Hatie was ever paid for streaking. He hasn't yet, but Hatie's not letting him leave the casino without giving her some gambling money. Knob says that he's so cheap, even with half a million dollars, that he'll still be getting money from the crew to pay her.

Commercials. I'd like to thank jupaesle for uploading this show. Couldn't have snarked on all these people without your help.

Deb's audition tape shows her practicing kung fu. Deb says she loves "the fun of the mindgame" in trying to figure out who's lying to her and whatnot. It's a shame that many of the people didn't even want to try playing the game, because I think she could have done well.

Clap clap clap.

Jeff, why didn't you shut up at challenges? He says it was because she couldn't have caught him if he ran away. We learn that Jeff won a bravery medal for some floods in Canberra, was shot at in Cyprus, was held as a hostage in Lebanon, and was the only survivor of a flood. Unlike Sciona, he does not manage to make it sound like he cleans toilets for a living. It's pretty close, though.

Clap clap clap.

Tim, you win the Person Eddie Almost Forgot To Talk To award. What did you think of Kadina voting you out and then sucking in a challenge pretty much designed for your skills? Tim was annoyed when he found out, after he was voted off. Eddie tries hard to find some sense of personality in Tim, but fails. Tim thinks he was voted off because he was shy, not because he was old.

Sylvain and Caren both say voting Tim out was a mistake. The editors do not.

The editors do, however, provide us with a second "absolutely fantastic" challenge montage. We see everyone running with their lassos, Long Pole Joel trying to row the Tipara dinghy, then running into Sophie at the woodchopping challenge. Also included: Deb at the obstacle course. People running into the water in that first challenge. Pilchards. Princess Jane dry heaving. The Worst Challenge Ever. More of the boat-towing challenge. The lobster hunt. The buried treasure challenge. More woodchopping. More obstacle course. More sprinting. Baby squid. Hatie looking sick. Craig rowing Kadina's boat, alone and shirtless. Digging for the buried boxes. More from the lobster hunt. Still more from the obstacle course. Are you getting the feeling there's not a lot the producers felt they could choose from. Knob and Craig at the fire rod challenge. MORE of the damn obstacle course. Craig running with his flare. And with flair. Jane at the debris challenge. Sylvain and Long Pole Joel at the bungy challenge. Sophie falling from her palletoon. Fish eyes. Knob and Hatie struggling to get it down, even though Hatie didn't even get to the fish eyes. Tipara's mast falling at the woodchopping challenge. Conspicuously not included: The bonfires failing to burn. The whale at the giant slingshot challenge. Long Pole Joel throwing the final challenge.

Clap clap clap.

Eddie wants another show of hands, this time of who's going to keep in contact with the people voted off. Everybody says they will, but Eddie calls Knob out as the slowest. Like you would expect from a guy as self-centered as him. But if you look closely, Bald Spice is slower. Also slow: Sciona, Lance, Princess Jane. Not Slow At All: Long Pole Joel, Hatie, NoMind, and Caren.

Eddie reveals to us that Hatie and Knob train at the same gym. Awk-ward! He wants to know whether the two of them will ever enter Imaginary Relationship Counselling. Hatie says she'll try to try. Dusty looks like she just swallowed a lemon whole.

Eddie calls Sciona a "warrior", and then congratulates Knob for winning. Knob hijacks the show and thanks Sciona for being his "rock" out on the Bight. Knob says there shouldn't be a second place; there should be two winners. Commie! And if there are two winners, doesn't that make Long Pole Joel the second-place person? Eddie interjects and reminds Knob what he won: the money, the car, and the mother-in-law. He makes this grimace as he says "mother-in-law" that I really shouldn't find funny, but I do.

Eddie demands the audience applauds. Clap clap clap. Over the applause, Eddie congratulates Link for hosting (and he really does deserve the congratulations). The players get up in unison and talk to Eddie.

Stock footage of the camps, the animals, the trees, and the cliffs. Really jumpy end credits play over the top, as does an extended version of the horrible theme music.

And, after 103,290 words, we are done. And not a moment too soon. Like I said earlier, I'm going to try and focus on recapping the three seasons of The Amazing Race Asia next. But I might multitask and get a few more recaps for other shows done in the meantime. Certainly, when I get not-bored enough to sit down and do it, I'll recap Celebrity Survivor Vanuatu. There are a couple of Doctor Who episodes I want to get done at some point, and I'm going to do a couple more X-Files episodes (and the latest movie), and possibly start on Quantum Leap too. 2009 is going to be a sleep-deprived year, y'all. (And it's so sleep-deprived already I accidentally called it 2008 again. Thanks for noticing, SexyUntannedEmoHunk!) Watch this space.

["...I'm watching, but nothing's happening." -- SexyUntannedEmoHunk]

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